Plan B

       Diced, tanked, crashed, nose-dived, bombed, missing the mark

   

    All words for failure. Gosh I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had to regroup and start over. It is nice to know that everyone at one time or another has been in this spot. But we as humans tend to think we are the only ones. We take it so hard when we fall short. We think that we will never come back from this, we doubt God, ask why we failed. But let me tell you this, we may not see the plan God has for us till it is ready to happen. We don’t need to know everything. It is our job to trust that God knows what he is doing and pick ourselves out of the mud and get back up. There is always a plan B. Heck sometimes I even have a plan B for things I know that are 100% going to happen.

   I have been to the bottom of the well and looked up at the sky wondering how I was going to climb out. I’ve screamed at God a thousand times asking why something didn’t go my way. And a thousand times I’ve heard “I have a plan for you. Trust me to lead you and know I will never give you anything you can’t face with me behind you.” One time I even yelled back “What are you? Yoda!?” It is hard to see why even the small things can’t always go to plan. That is the beauty of God. He knows when and what you need to go through to bring you closer to him.

   If God always gave us our way, we would be no better than a spoiled child demanding everything under the sun with no appreciation for what we do have. It’s like the saying goes, “When one door closes the back door to the movie theater is always open.”  No but really, things happen for a reason. Maybe we need this bad time to love the good times, to grow as a person, to become smarter and stronger. We don’t know. And because we don’t who are we to tell God what should have happened.

    Remember that old story from Sunday school where Jesus and Peter walked on water? Jesus had called Peter out of the boat in the middle of a storm to walk on water and come to him. Peter’s faith in God was weak and Peter fell into the waves. Jesus pulled him up out of the sea.

   God wanted Peter to trust him and follow. Peter did good and listened but his faith was what sunk him. Sometimes setbacks feel like sinking into that bottomless sea. But just like when Jesus pulled up Peter, he will do that with us. Our faith in God is what should drive us to get up and be better, to strive harder.

   In this economy people all over the world are struggling to put food on the table, money to bills that are due. Your thinking “How can I do this? This is just too much. I’m not that strong. I failed my family!” Have faith child. You may be so broke that you have no power, so broke you threw away your wallet so you didn’t have to see how broke you were. But know that God gave you this test to see how far you will trust him lead you. So Today if you’re reading this and things in your life have you down and you feel like you failed your family, your friends, yourself or God pray this with me:

Lord, give me STRENGTH to get through this time in my life. Give me PEACE of mind and a SOUND heart to know you hear me when I pray to you and have me close to your side always. Let my FAITH grow so I may go about my days with no worries because I am yours forever and I have nothing to fear. Give me WISDOM so I know when I don’t get my way it is not because you are punishing me, it is because you love me and have a far better plan then one I could create for myself. Thank you for all these things and for all you do for me. AMEN.

(Breanda, thank you for teaching me what to pray for growing up.)

   On the topic of praying, please keep close to your heart the families in Colorado that were affected by the shooting there. Pray for peace and healing for the community and wisdom for the cities leaders to guide the city in a hard time and the case of the man responsible for it all ahead.

   Also I would like to open up the blog to any and all prayers and concerns you have. Post a comment with the prayer and my readers as well as myself will pray alongside you. That is the great thing about God, he gave us a caring family in Him to help us through the tough times. If you would rather not post it in public, just put a little star (*) in the comment box and we will pray for you as well. God knows your heart. We don’t need to know to stand with you.

SOMEBODY TESTEFY!!!!!

XOXO

Song of the Blog: Strong Enough - Matthew West

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knuHDPbE5es

Everybody Hurts (financially) Sometimes!

Things have been crazy lately. Found out my roommate left me with a massive electric bill to pay after moving out of the apartment we split. If you’re like me and live on your own, you know how tight money can be and how easy it can be to fall behind. If not and you still live at home, let me make a comparison.  Let’s say you work at a dog kennel.  You make 7.75 an hour. You really want a new pair of shoes. You have amazing taste and the shoes will cost you $120.00. So work 20 hours a week after school cleaning and walking the dogs to make roughly $ 145.00 after tax. But you have to pay back your mom for money she lent you to go on a trip last weekend and she knows you got paid.  So you skip the shoes and pay off your mom. That’s the real world in a nut shell.

 And this is the easy part. One bill that’s it, now try FIVE! Even I have it simple. Most grown people after the age of 27 have a house. That comes with a mortgage and property taxes and school taxes. Then if they have kids, that’ even more money.  Try adding student loans, car payments, paying to have your car worked on if it breaks down, fixing a problem with the house, taking a kid to the E.R., being sick and having to take time off work to get better….seems like Hell right?! So at this point you’re thinking to yourself man I’m going to stay/move back in with mom and dad! Well let’s get this straight, you’re on your way to growing up. Now it’s up to you to handle these things.  I learned this the hard way.

  But oddly enough as I’m stressing out about this massive bill due, God led me to Ecclesiastes 2 : 1-11. Solomon is talking about how everything is meaningless here.  How he had lived life and became wise and made money and bought all he could ever dream of and still wasn’t happy.

Have you ever seen MTV Cribs and thought “Man I’d kill for money to blow like that!”?  Well this guy had it. The bible says he was the richest man in land, flock, slaves, vine-yards and money in Jerusalem at that time. I have a teen bible and they figured his income was over $200 million a year. DAAAAAAAANNNNNNGGGGGG! Solomon even went as far as to say “I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure.” . Whatever he wanted he went out and got. But he still wasn’t happy. 

I mean if you’re honest with yourself and you think about all that money, ask yourself, would you be happy in the end? Besides paying off bills for life and giving your kids an inheritance, what is that much money good for in the hands of one person? Over time would you drift away from your family and friends? Would you let the money change who you are as a person? Did you ever ask yourself this as you’re watching Cribs, are they happy? Most celebs aren’t. They don’t look young enough, pretty enough, they aren’t dating the right person. All the money they have and their relationships with people don’t last over 6 months. Why? Simple, they put more value in material things then the integrity of their fellow man. Money and greed walk hand in hand in that world. It makes people very nasty and bitter.

Would you want that? People only looking at you as a bank account rather than a person wouldn’t be a great way to live. Solomon saw this. Even back then he saw what money did to people. It’s nothing compared to today’s world. 

So tonight as I head to bed, seeing as its 1:00 am right now, I’m not going to pray for more money. Just that when the time comes I have the money I need to pay this bill. Sounds good and very wise to me.

Song of the blog: Price Tag – Jessie J

Honestly Honest

"You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"

                                                                     - John 8:32

  You know the days when something happens and all you wanna do is run and hide in a closet and if anyone asks you what happened you lie out your teeth? Well this is how I feel about my mom. Growing up mom worked at a corrections jail. She often brought it home with her. Mom never got how to hug or say I love you much. All I ever wanted was for her to notice me. But when you have a self-righteous sister and another one who is a hellion it's hard to get noticed. So I grew this mentality with mom, when I moved out I wanted to show her that I could make I could make it on my own. Well lets just say I kinda fell behind on a few things. Started supporting a roommate that in the end screwed me over and left me in debt. But I still lied to mom about what was going on.
     I didn't want her to know how bad things had gotten for me. Even if I sunk my ship I'd go down with my lies. I was so scared of her.  I didn't want her to see what a mess I'd made of my life, because honestly it was bad. But like all lies, they end. I had to come clean and stop avoiding her. After all she is my mother and if I can't tell her the truth and ask her to understand I'm doomed. By this point she is mad with me. For avoiding her, for not paying my bills on time but for the most part not trusting her to understand me and what I had done. If anyone knows about mistakes it's her. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it to be mean but growing up my mom had a wild streak and did some crazy things. I'm sure your parents did too. She just missed me. And all my lies I'd made up to try to stop her from worrying about me fell to the ground.
     I sat down over dinner and spilled it all to my sister and mom. Yes she was mad, yes she was hurt but most of all she was my mother. She didn't yell, say I told you so. She just tried to understand and help me find a way to dig myself out of this mess I'd made. She even went so far as to help pay some of the bills with me. I know mothers day is over but my mom really impressed me. She gave me a chance to start over, this time with help. So everyone reading this, call your mom and say hi and ask how she is doing. I know most of the time growing up we swore up and down our parents were out to get us and didn't get us at all and the world was so unfair. But that's not true. Cut them some slack, they are trying the best they can. It is not the end of the world if you don't go out to see the new Twlight movie on Friday. Sit down and have family night with them. Cause when your on your own you'll need them more than you ever have before. Like when you need to move and they have a truck or when your car payment is due and someone stole your bank card. But it's the little things I miss I miss the most. 
     I would wake up for school the dane would always jump on my bed and take it over. Mom would have Mush ready for me after my shower. Or like in Jr. High mom and I would color and wait for the bus. Looking back I think I just wanted to make her proud of me. But being like this wasn't the way to do it. So in the end I'm glad God had me face my mom cause if not I'd still be missing her and avoiding her trying to recover. Now I know I don't have to do it alone and that being honest about your problems is best. We all fall short sometimes. Even if your pride takes a hit. It's better to tell the truth and get help, then lie and face it alone. 
    Lesson learned. So if you take anything from this just know that yes we get mad at the rents but in the end they are still the people you can count on to have your back jack!


Signing off!
xoxo

Psalm 103:12 (intro to me)

"He has removed our sins as far from us as the East is from the West" -  Psalm 103:12

Most days this is the only thing that keeps me going. Knowing that yes I screw up but God is bigger than any mistake I could make.

My Names Brittany. I'm 19, living on my own in the city. I have two Roommates and a cat. I work full time at a job I like, making ok money. But I'm whats called "Messed Up".  I believe in a God I can't see. But to me he is more. Stronger than any man and is smarter than Sheldon Cooper. ( Big Bang Theory reference ) But most of all I'm just a girl, learning the extent of Gods love and forgiveness.

I'm sure if you are my age or were my age you know things happen. I say things I don't mean and do things that would make my mother cuss if she knew. But at the end of the day when I'm laying in bed and I'm honest with myself I become ashamed. Thinking I'll never be what God has called me to be. And because I'm so ashamed I start to think God couldn't love me. He must be wrong about me. I'm not gonna be this person that hes calling me to be. I can't lead when I'm lost. I can't lead myself how can I lead others. My head fills with thoughts and my heart with shame and hurt. But what I forget to do is just stop and listen. Listen for God to tell me what I'm to do. Lets be honest I'm 19. Listening isn't my strong suit. But just as I'm over come and I start to turn and run from God thinking he couldn't want me, I'm reminded of a story from when I was a kid.

Jesus and his Disciples were in  a boat crossing the sea. Jesus was asleep. A storm started rocking the boat. Almost tipping it over. The Disciples started freaking out and woke Jesus up. Asking him if he cared that they all died? Jesus got up and spoke to the wind and the sea saying nothing else but "Peace, Be still." Then at once the wind went down and the sea became calm again.

Peace. That simple. Stop over thinking everything and be still. Turn off the T.V. Snookie isn't gonna do a back flip and Family Guy shows reruns all the time.  Turn down the Music that is downing out your tears and think about the person who loves you. Cause that just it he loves you. He isn't keeping track of how many people you sleep with, how many shots you drink or if you can't pay your rent. All he sees is the person he took THREE nails for. So you can run those lights, watch Snookie drink herself into catatonic state and most importantly live your life.

I'd become so obsessed on how far from God I'd fallen and forgotten that God came to me. Peace isn't something you pray for. It's something he already gave you. All you got to do is allow yourself to be peaceful. I'm young and it's not easy keeping thoughts out of your head that make you sad and mad at the world. But God's love is stronger than any pain. And I found MY God again. Because I know it's ok to be imperfect. To doubt yourself sometimes. But don't ever doubt that God loves you and has a plan that we can't always see over those hills in the distance.

My names Brittany and to whoever reads this Blog I invite you to start over today and pick a God who picked you, over any hurt your feeling. Young, old, New in Christ or a long time Jesus Freak lets walk this path together and find the beauty in being human , being loved and forgiven. This Blog is my story in the making, with God and a Girl.

Song Of the Blog: Lift Me Up - The Afters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBy2D8p5Kpw

( you may cry)