"He has removed our sins as far from us as the East is from the West" - Psalm 103:12
Most days this is the only thing that keeps me going. Knowing that yes I screw up but God is bigger than any mistake I could make.
My Names Brittany. I'm 19, living on my own in the city. I have two Roommates and a cat. I work full time at a job I like, making ok money. But I'm whats called "Messed Up". I believe in a God I can't see. But to me he is more. Stronger than any man and is smarter than Sheldon Cooper. ( Big Bang Theory reference ) But most of all I'm just a girl, learning the extent of Gods love and forgiveness.
I'm sure if you are my age or were my age you know things happen. I say things I don't mean and do things that would make my mother cuss if she knew. But at the end of the day when I'm laying in bed and I'm honest with myself I become ashamed. Thinking I'll never be what God has called me to be. And because I'm so ashamed I start to think God couldn't love me. He must be wrong about me. I'm not gonna be this person that hes calling me to be. I can't lead when I'm lost. I can't lead myself how can I lead others. My head fills with thoughts and my heart with shame and hurt. But what I forget to do is just stop and listen. Listen for God to tell me what I'm to do. Lets be honest I'm 19. Listening isn't my strong suit. But just as I'm over come and I start to turn and run from God thinking he couldn't want me, I'm reminded of a story from when I was a kid.
Jesus and his Disciples were in a boat crossing the sea. Jesus was asleep. A storm started rocking the boat. Almost tipping it over. The Disciples started freaking out and woke Jesus up. Asking him if he cared that they all died? Jesus got up and spoke to the wind and the sea saying nothing else but "Peace, Be still." Then at once the wind went down and the sea became calm again.
Peace. That simple. Stop over thinking everything and be still. Turn off the T.V. Snookie isn't gonna do a back flip and Family Guy shows reruns all the time. Turn down the Music that is downing out your tears and think about the person who loves you. Cause that just it he loves you. He isn't keeping track of how many people you sleep with, how many shots you drink or if you can't pay your rent. All he sees is the person he took THREE nails for. So you can run those lights, watch Snookie drink herself into catatonic state and most importantly live your life.
I'd become so obsessed on how far from God I'd fallen and forgotten that God came to me. Peace isn't something you pray for. It's something he already gave you. All you got to do is allow yourself to be peaceful. I'm young and it's not easy keeping thoughts out of your head that make you sad and mad at the world. But God's love is stronger than any pain. And I found MY God again. Because I know it's ok to be imperfect. To doubt yourself sometimes. But don't ever doubt that God loves you and has a plan that we can't always see over those hills in the distance.
My names Brittany and to whoever reads this Blog I invite you to start over today and pick a God who picked you, over any hurt your feeling. Young, old, New in Christ or a long time Jesus Freak lets walk this path together and find the beauty in being human , being loved and forgiven. This Blog is my story in the making, with God and a Girl.
Song Of the Blog: Lift Me Up - The Afters
( you may cry)
Britt,
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of the young woman you have become. Since the days when I was your youth leader and teacher, I knew there was something special about you. But I must say that reading this blog, I am the student.
I really love the comment, "I'd become so obsessed on how far from God I'd fallen and forgotten that God came to me." Like the father of the prodigal who watched daily for his son to come home and ran to him when he saw him, our Father is always ready to run to us when we incline our hearts to Him.
We are imperfect, seeking perfection in a world that demands us to be more and more like the personalities we see on TV. Perfection in the eyes of the world is unattainable, but perfection in Christ is not only attainable, but God helps us by perfecting us through the circumstances of life; allowing Him to work in and through us to mold us and make us after His example.
We will stumble, we will fall, but like you said, being human is a beautiful thing. Being forgiven is an even more beautiful thing. Finding redemption through the sacrifice of Christ is the most amazing thing that we could ever experience and to live in it daily brings us the peace that the world can only hope for and is the peace that God has already provided.
Blessings to you, Britt. I love you and I'm proud of the woman you have become!
Jeff "Bubbles" Harlan